The way we talk to ourselves.
I once read a book by C. S. Forester, the Sky, and the Forest. It introduced to me the idea that a culture that has no word for a thing has difficulty thinking about or even conceiving the thing. Said differently, our words influence our thoughts, and our thoughts influence our life experiences.
Let's take what, at first glance, seems like a benign statement. A mother may say to a child, "no one in our family is any good at singing. That statement, likely repeated, can become part of that child's reality. That reality will affect the child's interest in or openness to singing.
More specifically, a child who is told he is worthless, stupid, of the wrong race, of the wrong gender, etc. These things become part of the child's inner world. What is repeated by the parent twenty times will be repeated by the child one thousand times or more over his life.
Something I had been introduced to was the concept of positive self-talk. Specifically, people will create scripts of many positive statements. Things like "I am attractive." "I will be successful." "People enjoy being around me." Here is a post that discusses the idea more.
What I find interesting is how it sounds and feels. Often when someone says, "I am an attractive person." A voice in their head will say. "That is not true. That is a lie; you are ugly." It can feel so off that a mild or partial disassociation occurs, to the point you don't even hear yourself saying the words. Positive self-talk scripts are very interesting tools for introspection as they reveal a lot about what we believe about ourselves and how we talk about ourselves.
When working with someone, I will frequently hear how they speak to themselves. Then the conversation might go like this. "You don't believe you deserve good things, that good thing and good outcomes are for other people but not you." Then I frequently find that this belief is rooted in their childhood and has been repeated by them ten thousand times.
Taking. a sidestep, let's talk about some neurobiology. When we have a thought, it generates an electrical pulse that takes a loop or circuit on a specific route through our brain—like cutting a trail through the woods. Now, if we send a messenger down that path ten thousand times, that path becomes very well-worn. A well-worn path allows the messenger to move easily and quickly. It becomes the preferred path and a shortcut to get to other locations. When he decides to start stating out loud the complete opposite of that statement or belief, we are now cutting a new path through the woods. That is slow, hard work. Every thought we have will want to go down the quick, easy route. It takes repeated effort to improve the new path and send thoughts down it. To obstruct thoughts from going down the old pathway.
So what I often tell people is that it is only reasonable that it will take saying the new idea/belief one thousand times before it starts to feel natural or true.
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